“my brain is the sort that at the mention of an idea, an event, or a problem; creates a thousand possibilities in a moment. Yet it is too fearful to pick even one and so I waver”
Recently I was talking to a friend, another creative, who is often able to see what I am still trying to unpick in my mind.
We were talking about the way our mind, heart, and soul responds to creativity. For me, creativity is often about solving a problem as well as an expression of all I observe and am inspired by. I think it’s important to have balance in these two streams.
Lately, in many areas of my life, I have not had creative balance.
Instead, my energy has been used up on creative problem-solving. If you know me, you see the difference in how I speak about ideas when I am problem-solving to when I am just passionate and inspired! Solution creating drains my energy, not so much in the task itself but in the doubts, fears, and what-ifs that tag along with it.
“yet it is too fearful to pick one and so I waver”
A few weeks ago, I was driving home from a meeting. It had been a long day and several solution-creating opportunities had been revealed throughout the day. Being in a quiet place in my car, my mind began to scramble for solutions,
what if… maybe… we could… I should…
Then the doubts cames like fiery darts, but as they careered towards me, a shield arose against them. A shield and then a picture. A picture and then a voice.
The picture was of a Rubiks Cube being played with. The player was haphazard, much as I am when I pick one up. Aimlessly twisting and turning, hoping for the colours to start matching. The player got more frustrated as time went on with no solution coming forth.
Then God spoke tenderly, reminding me that though He made my brain to create in the way it does; it was never meant to create in response to fear, anxiety, disappointment or lack. When it is in that place, I am like a person picking up a Rubiks Cube, endlessly fumbling for a solution, eventually getting frustrated and wanting to quit. Allowing doubt, fears, and what-ifs to attack my mind and my confidence.
Instead, He continued, to complete a Rubiks Cube focus, attention and strategy are needed. Stop hurridly trying to fix these ‘problems’ you see. Rather, put time aside to sit with the problem and focus your attention fully on creating a solution, knowing you will bring it to completion with me.
Now everytime my mind starts to race, I think about that Rubiks Cube sat on my mantlepiece (in my mind palace). Yes, it’s frustrating because I look at it and the colours are mixed up and I want to just go and start moving it around in the hope for success. However, I know that at the right time, I will sit with it and Jesus and I will work on the solution together.
Are you like me, do you anxiously try to sort it all out yourself? Let’s make an effort to be intentional in trusting it in God’s hand this week.